One Month
by LightBender
Summary: The girls decide to torture the guys. They decide on a special sort of contest: a dating contest. How many guys can each girl date before they crack?
1. Chapter 1

_**One Month**_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. MSkyDragon owns the Tatuya/Tobi pairing and the 'Tobi's a good/bad boy...in bed'!

**AN: **This was not written in my right mind. I honestly was just drawing lines and connecting the dots. Well, don't kill me! At least not until I'm done with the story! R&R if you dare! I'm not responsible for any mental injuries that are caused because of the story. Enjoy! Sorry for all the OOC-ness. I lost my mind for the umpteenth time!

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All the girls were sitting in a frilly pink tea shop that Ino had chosen for their 'meeting.' They were all super bored and wanted to do something fun. They had put their heads together and were gradually making process. 

"I think that we should torture the boys for a really long time." Sakura said with a smile evil smile.

"Sounds like a good idea, my apprentice," Tsunade said pulling up a chair. Kurenai, Anko, Hana, Hanabi, Rin, Shizune, and Tatuya (Tatuya survived miraculously and was admitted to Konoha on good behavior) sat down also, interested.

Kurenai asked, "What should we do?"

They were all silent as they pondered the point.

Sakura, Temari, and Ino said simultaneously, "I've got it! We should see how many boys we can date in a month! The most wins….."

"All the missions they feel like," Anko said.

"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tenten shouted, punching the air.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Jacuzzi day, but," Sakura said shrugging. "That works."

"Ok! Let's start tomorrow," Kurenai said.

"I'll get the Akatsuki and Orochimaru here," Tsunade said, her eyes glittering evilly.

"This is going to be fun!" Anko shouted.

-

After a long lengthy explanation, all the ninjas in Konoha stopped trying to kill the Akatsuki, Orochimaru, and Kabuto. Sasuke was welcomed back by Naruto and all his fan girls.

No one, but the girls, knew what would be going on for the next month.

Gaara was walking down the sunny streets of Konoha, wishing there was some way to kill the sun. As he was pondering the ways, a blonde girl came running down the street. Straight at him.

She crashed into him and grabbed him around the neck. Putting her face very close to his, she said, "Hi! Want to go out tonight?!"

"Um…..huh?"

"Aw…what the heck? Want to be my boyfriend?"

"Huh?"

"Great! Love ya, see ya tomorrow!" The strange girl French kissed him on the mouth and left. Gaara stared after her and then continued walking down the street, still trying to figure out how to kill the sun.

Kankuro was fixing his puppet when a strange girl came running off. She had long brown hair and strange red marks on her cheeks.

"Hey, you!" the girl panted out as she pointed at him. "Yeah, you! The one with the cool face paint!"

"Me?"

"Yes! Wanna be my boyfriend?"

Kankuro scratched his head. "I guess, sure."

"Great! See you tomorrow!" She leaned down and kissed him.

Kankuro watched her run off, surprised. No girl had ever asked him out before! And he didn't even know this girl's name!

Lee was off training. To use his exact words, 'youthfully training!'

As he was practicing his winking, someone poked him in the back. Turning around, he saw a short, little brown haired girl with lavender eyes. It was Neji's younger cousin. Hanabi.

"Ah, youthful little Hanabi! What brings you youthfully out on this youthful day!"

"Lee, want to go out with me? As in boyfriend-girlfriend?"

"I would love to youthfully go out with the youthful you, but it may not be all right with the youthful Neji-kun—"

"It's fine with him. See you tomorrow, dear!" She stands on tiptoes and motions him down. He complies and she kisses him on the cheek.

In the middle of a spar between Tenten and Neji, Tenten puts down her weapons and grabs him by the collar. Pulling him very close, she says, "Want to go out with me?"

"Uh…yes, definitely, of course!" Neji shouted.

Tenten laughs and kisses for a long time.

Itachi was watching his younger brother beat up a blond haired kid. A weird girl with brown buns on the top of her head pulled at his sleeve. He fixed her with his scary gaze. She didn't flinch at all.

"Want to go out?"

"What?"

"Want…to…go…out?" Tenten asked slowly.

"Uh…yes?" Itachi was confused.

"Great! See you tomorrow!" She leaned up and pecked him and ran off.

Itachi stared confusedly into space.

Kisame was walking down the street, having been sent off by Itachi. He had to get a date, according to Itachi. He ran, literally, into Kakuzu. They stared at each other for a moment before kissing. After, Kisame asked, "Want to go out?"

"Why not?"

Hidan was walking around, looking for something to sacrifice. A nice, blonde victim came running right into his arms.

"Hi! I love you! Want to go out?!!!!!"

"Uh…."

"Sure! Great! Love you! Bye!" She kissed him and ran off. He stared confusedly for a few moments and then decided to find a new sacrifice. The blonde was obviously not going to work.

Sasori was looking for the weird puppet kid when a sandy haired girl with four buns grabbed his collar.

"You're going out with me, whether you like it or not!" she shouted at him.

"Ok!" he whimpered quietly.

"Good boy!" Temari smiled. "See you tomorrow!" She briefly made out with him and ran off to find a Lazy boy.

Sasori wandered off, wishing he had asked her where her brother was…

Another blonde comes running up, kisses him and says, "Want to go out?! Great! See you tomorrow!"

"What just happened?" Sasori asked as the girl ran off to find an Akatsuki member.

Ino grabbed Zetsu in a bear hug and said, "We're going out, congratulations! Kiss me!"

Tobi was walking around, minding his own business when a strange girl with a flute came up to him. "Hi! Tobi's a good boy!"

"Aw…that's so cute! Want to go out with me?"

"Um…Tobi's a good boy and will go out with you! Tobi's a good boy…."

"I'm hoping in bed."

"Tobi's a good boy…in bed?"

"Yes, you are."

Deidara was looking for more clay when a girl with bright pink hair ran up to him.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Looking for more clay, un!"

"Interesting. Want to go out with me?"

"Un….."

"Awesome! See you tomorrow!"

They didn't know that all the guys were thinking, at the same time, 'What just happened?'

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**AN: **Please don't kill me! Blame the editor! 

Editor: IT WASN'T MY IDEA TO HAVE 3,000 DIFFERENT PAIRINGS YOUNG LADY!!!!

**AN: **Anyways, review if you dare. You can request pairings if we haven't already got them!


	2. Chapter 2

_**One Month**_

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**AN: **If you're still reading this with a sane mind, great for you! My editor and I are not in our right minds. We're in our left minds, but not our right! R&R!

Editor: We have a right side of our squishy-pink things?

* * *

On the same day, Kabuto was sitting on a bench, trying to figure out a way to heal Orochimaru's arms. The girl who guarded Tsunade came waltzing over. She sat down next to him and folded her hands in her lap.

"What do you want?"

"Want to go out?"

"Um…You and Tsunade aren't going to try and kill me, right?"

"Of course not!"

Kabuto shrugged. "Works for me."

Orochimaru's off, cradling his broken arms when an old teammate comes up to him. Tsunade grabs him by the throat and pulls him close.

"You're going out with me."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are."

"Sounds cool with me."

"Want to kiss me?"

"Sure."

Jiraiya was off spying at the women's hot spring when Tsunade ran up to him. Pushing him against the door, she briefly made out with him.

"You're going out with me, understand?"

"Uh……." Jiraiya was too busy having a nosebleed.

"Good. See you tomorrow. Or else."

Gai was eating super spicy curry rice (**AN: **To understand fully, read 'Echoes in the Rain' by me) when Kurenai came up. Sliding next to him, she took a bite of his super spicy curry rice.

"Want to go?"

"Um…aren't you dating Asuma already?"

"Yes I am, but the girls all decided to have a dating contest to see how many guys they could date in a month."

"Good idea."

She grabbed him by the throat and said, "Don't tell anyone…Understand?!"

"Yes Ma'am!" He did a mock salute. Kurenai laughed.

Kakashi was reading Make Out Paradise when the weird flute girl came up to him.

"I love that book!"

"Um…You're kind of under aged."

"So, it taught me great making out tips. Want to test 'em?"

"Hm….sure."

"Wanna go out?"

"Definitely."

Kurenai ran up to Asuma. "You're still going out with me, right?"

"Of course."

"Love you! See you tonight!" (**AN: **I think everyone knows what I mean by this! Pervs!!!!!!!)

Sakura and Hinata were walking down an alley, trying to find Hinata a guy, when they saw Rin and Kimimaro making out. They stared at them for a few moments, before Sakura cleared her throat. Rin looked up.

"He just started making out with me. It was really eas—" She doesn't finish the sentence because Kimimaro pulls her back in.

"Let's just go, Hinata," Sakura said, pulling her off.

Ebisu was standing around, bored, when the weird flute girl ran up to him.

"Hey! Want to go out?!"

"Um…sure?"

"Great! See you tomorrow!" She kissed him and ran off.

Choji was buying more food when Ino ran up to him. Grabbing him, she ordered, "We're going out, understand?"

"Uh…..yeah!"

"Awesome! See you tomorrow!" She kissed his cheek and ran off.

Choji returned to his search for chips.

Shikamaru was on his back, watching the clouds when a pink haired kunoichi blocked his view. 'Too troublesome to remember her name,' he thought.

"Want to go out?"

"Uh…Too troublesome."

"Great! See you tomorrow!"

"Troublesome, bothersome…"

Naruto was stupidly eating ramen when Hanabi sat next to him. "We're dating, understand?"

He mumbled something through the ramen.

"Fabulous! See you tomorrow!" She started to kiss him, but backed off because of the ramen in his mouth.

Sasuke was beating up a training post when Sakura poked him in the back. He turned around, glaring.

"Want to go out?"

Sasuke glared at her for about half an hour. Before Sakura, perkily, said, "I'll take that as a yes! See you tomorrow! Or tonight, if you want!"

Sai was painting in his book when Sakura ran up to him.

"We're going to go out tomorrow, all right?"

"Going out? Is this one of your weird phrases?"

"N-Yes. See you tomorrow!"

Sakura finally found a guy for Hinata. Shino.

"Um…S-Shino, w-w-would you like t-to—"

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

Kiba was training Akamaru when the bunned kunoichi came up to him.

"Want to go out?"

"Sure, why not?!"

"All right! See you tomorrow!"

All the guys were once again, thinking, 'What the heck just happened?!'


	3. Chapter 3

_**One Month **_

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**AN: **Sorry for not updating in a bit. Everytime my editor's been here to help, we've been lazy. It was too troublesome. So, I decided to try a chapter by myself. The chapters' are mostly my work anyway. Just a little warning, this chapter had some 'dirty' references. Nothing too bad, but still….R&R if you dare.

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The next day arrived and evening came swiftly (with the help of Lee and Gai hugging constantly). The time arrived for the dates.

Temari had bullied Gaara into going on the date when he told her about the strange behavior of the perky blonde girl. So, Gaara was sitting alone in a restaurant. The perky blonde girl came in, hugged him. She began talking nonstop. Gaara spent most of the time trying to figure out different ways to kill her. Finally, she said thanks, kissed him, and left. Gaara shrugged and left.

Kankuro was having a much more enjoyable date than Gaara. Hana had come in and they had started talking. They spent most of the night just sitting and talking. And then kissing. But, they got thrown out of the restaurant when Hana had climbed across the table. Having nowhere else to go, they went to Hana's empty apartment. Need anything more be said?

Lee had said, "Hello, my youthful flower!" and then Hanabi had left. So, Lee was left to wander around screaming 'Youth!'

Neji and Tenten were having a blast at the restaurant. Tenten had discovered that breadsticks made incredible weapons. Neji found that carrots made very good throwing knives. The waiter didn't have the heart to tell them to get out of the restaurant. They were so obviously in love and were having fun. In the middle of the fight, Tenten said she had to go to the bathroom and would be right back.

Tenten ran across the street, pulling off the dress she had been wearing, to reveal dress pants and shirt. She sat down next to Itachi and kissed his cheek. Itachi raised an eyebrow. He hadn't thought she would actually come.

Ino pulled on a long, dress jacket as she ran to the restaurant with Hidan. After talking for a few moments, she excused herself and ran over to Sasori. It didn't matter that Temari was already talking to him.

Kisame looked out the window of his bedroom. He saw a blonde girl running across the street and changing clothes. A brown haired girl was doing the same thing. The Konoha girls were exceptionally strange.

"Kisame, come back here," Kakuzu ordered from the bed. Immediately, Kisame returned.

Ino took Zetsu to the family flower shop, where he went into ecstasy. Plants! Smiling, Ino returned to her other dates.

Tobi and Tatuya had started out in a restaurant. But, they had been thrown out. Well, Tatuya had gotten extremely _rough_ and had been thrown out. Tobi had followed her, because he was a 'good boy!' They went off somewhere secluded to see if Tatuya's prediction was true.

After determining that what she had said was true, Tatuya ran off to find Kakashi. They spent all of their time together living 'Make Out Paradise'.

Kabuto and Shizune had a romantic dinner. At the hospital. Well, it was as romantic as they could make it. Then, they had gone to go look at books in the medical library. The deserted medical library.

Tsunade sat with Jiraiya on one side and Orochimaru on the other. The bartender kept raising his eyebrows when Tsunade kissed one, or both of them. In his mind, he was thinking, 'threesome!'

Kurenai was served some nice, homemade super spicy curry rice by Gai. They had an amiable time. After kissing Gai goodbye on the cheek, Kurenai had arrived at Asuma's house.

Kimimaro and Rin spent their date in almost complete silence. Finally, Rin asked about his preferred attacks. He kept saying 'bone' and 'hard'. The night ended well for all parties.

Tatuya had to leave Kakashi to go find Ebisu. She quickly found what made Ebisu tick and kept at it. He wasn't nearly as good as Kakashi, but he was decent.

Choji engulfed his food while Ino just picked at hers. Finally, she said she had to leave and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Once she was gone, he helped himself to her food.

Once Sakura started talking strategy, Shikamaru became a little more interesting. He actually started talking in almost complete sentences. So, their time together was intellectual and innocent.

Naruto gulped down bowl after bowl of ramen. Hanabi watched him in faint disgust, having no more appetite. How could her sister have a crush on such a vulgar person?

Sasuke sat glaring at the wall as Sakura hung to his arm, laughing and smiling. Many girls there were glaring at Sakura for having Konoha's hottest guy with her. Sasuke wanted to leave.

Reluctantly, Sakura had gone to her date with Sai. He had spent most of the date drawing and talking about strange topics. Sakura found herself very disgusted when he started talking about Naruto and his package.

Shino and Hinata said not a thing to each other, having the whole thing be extremely awkward.

Kiba was surprised when the older girl actually showed up for their date. She smiled, but looked extremely flustered and her clothes were wrinkled. As if she had been pulling it on in a hurry. Her skirt was on backwards. She had doted on Akamaru, but had barely said a word to Kiba. Kiba was beginning to get worried. Had she only dated him for Akamaru?

It was a night of utter chaos and confusion in Konoha. And the month had barely begun.

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**AN: **This chapter was fun. I'll try and get more details next time. I was being lazy. Anyways, review if you still have a brain left! 


	4. Chapter 4

_**One Month**_

**Disclaimer: **Sorry about the lack of an update. I lost the pairing sheet (which I found in my social studies book—yeah, I don't know how it got there, at least I didn't hand it in with my homework—and then my editor lost it. Still hasn't found it!) and inspiration, but I found both. So here's the chapter. R&R if you want more chapters.

* * *

"Hear ye, hear ye," shouted Tsunade. "Let us begin!"

It was the morning after the first wave of dates. All the girls were in the tea shop, a few drinking tea, most drinking coffee, and Tsunade and Anko drinking sake. A few of the girls looked like they hadn't gotten any sleep, with smeared make up, messy hair, and most of their clothes on backwards, sideways, or half on.

"I have an announcement!" Tatuya said. Silence fell. "Tobi really is a good boy." She smiled coyly.

There was laughter. Sakura spoke next.

"Sasuke-kun is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you get it, right? good…we did it **ALL NIGHT LONG!**" Hinata looked away, so no one noticed the faint tears on her face.

Bored, Ino turned shirt on the right way (she'd had it on backwards) and said, "You weren't with Sasuke-kun. You were doing it with Sai."

Sakura blushed an angry red color. "No I wasn't!"

The two continued to fight as everyone ignore them.

"T-Tenten-c-chan, a-are you o-o-ok?" Hinata asked, trying to hide the smile that had spread across her features.

"I'm fine!" Tenten said happily. Her smile dropped. "Why?"

"You're all beat up," Temari answered, sulking from her lack of a good night. (You know what I mean…)

"We'll beat them up!" Hana cried, tugging at her ripped shirt.

"No, no. On my date with Neji-kun…we were…fighting with breadsticks and carrots," Tenten explained sheepishly.

Everyone laughed. The rest of the dates were discussed and bragged about. Little did they know that there was a spy in their midst.

:

"Ok…so if I've got this straight, Ino's dated five of us, the annoying pinky has three—"

"Her name's Sakura!" Naruto shouted irritably.

Shikamaru gave Naruto a bored look. "Pinky's got three, flute girl's done three—"

"That's right!" called out Kakashi and Ebisu.

"Three also," Shikamaru said, tone annoyed. "Hanabi and Anko have gone out with two, bun girl's had two, and the others have gone on one date."

Neji looked exceptionally distressed at the news that Tenten had been dating someone else. He thought that they had felt something last night. Naruto fantasized about Sakura asking them out. Sasuke tried to remember what one of the girl's name was. He wouldn't admit it under torture, but he hoped she would ask him out. The pretty girl with long bangs. Itachi picked up a carton of milk, started to drink, then spit it out while looking at the carton in shock.

"What is it, Ita-kun?" Sasori asked.

"Kakuzu and Kisame…are missing!" Itachi shouted in a high pitched voice.

"What?!" yelled all of the Akatsuki, crowding around the milk carton.

"All they could find…were piles of clothes in their apartment." Itachi's voice quivered.

"Nii-san, get a grip."

Itachi pulled himself together. The rest of the Akatsuki sulked slightly. Itachi glared. Tobi woefully said, "Tobi's a good boy…but Kakuzu and Kisame are not good boys."

"It's ok, un," Deidara said tearfully.

"Anyways," Kakashi said cheerfully. "Does anyone know what on earth is going on?"

"I don't know, but I like it," Jiriaya sighed longingly.

"I think…that the girls have been taken over by…by aliens!" Naruto cried.

"For once, I agree," said Shikamaru.

Kankuro shrugged. "All I know s that wasn't an alien I was fuc—I mean, remaining a respectful distance from." Kiba glared at Kankuro.

"Aliens…makes sense," a few of the other guys muttered.

Sasuke started throwing darts at a picture of Sakura's face. "What are we going to do about it?"

"All in favor of continuing dating?" Orochimaru asked. "I say yesssssssss."

"Believe it!"

"Youthfully yes!"

"Bark!"

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

"Hell yeah."

"I guess…"

"YES! Icha Icha!"

"Tobi's a good boy!"

"Ok."

"Yes, un!"

"Fine."

"Am I a prodigy?"

"For Kisame!"

"Sure."

"Why not?"

"For Kazuku!"

"All right! All not in favor?"

Crickets chirped. "Ok then. Let's go find the girls."

The boys all walked single file out of the room. Shino darted back in after everyone had left and picked a small toy bug, much like one that might be found at McD—McKonoha's. Smiling happily, he left the room.

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**AN: **The bug toy thing and McKonoha's is from "Temari, Shikamaru, and a Milkshake" by my editor and I. Haven't posted that chapter yet. Anyways…here you go. Review if so inclined. Even if it's to say that the girls are aliens! ((laughs manically)) I'm an alien!


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